| so conflicted |
[Apr. 29th, 2006|09:01 pm] |
it feels like no one cares. i feel like im beating my head against a wall.
i don't know where i'm going or what is happening with anything, job, family, band.
i keep WAITING and im so done.
im waiting for the job to stop being hard. or my family to chill out.. or the band to 'happen'.
keep working.. keep trying.. keep recording new songs and plugging away and doing shows..
but sometimes.. its like..
does it even matter? |
|
|
| Cat Club Show |
[Nov. 24th, 2005|12:41 am] |
tiny stage.
on too early
but Sugarbuzz Magazine, friends, fans, and Jed the Fish from Kroq showed up. He interviewed Jess earlier and played I Wanna Be at like 4pm on a Friday. hell yeah. others showed up too..like stealth sneakies in the back. thats another whole story. no jinxing allowed.
pics courtesy Gene 'the cowbell' Frenkel of myspace:
 |
|
|
| Brody is here! |
[Oct. 19th, 2005|11:11 pm] |
He can't replace my Sammy.. but he its so nice to have him home now. Day 1!!
 |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Aug. 15th, 2005|10:49 pm] |
We found our new drummer. He's a guy and he's a badass. No longer all girl band, but we kind of like the idea of just being a band. as it should be.
aww yeah. |
|
|
| blindfolded on a cliff |
[Aug. 10th, 2005|10:36 am] |
I swear that for all of my complaints of fear and anxiety, I consider myself a strong person. I have survived a lot, accomplished a lot, and wouldn't be seen as someone who crumbles, succumbs, gives in, or gives up.
Music is wonderful. Being in a band is fun. Trying to be in a financially successful band so that I don't have to work a normal job anymore and so I can fulfill my dreams is a daunting task.
They say people are happiest when dreaming of future happiness. The future. The someday when 'this' happens.
I am getting closer to either having that one day be a reality, or being told that one day simply isn't coming.
I am proud of my band. I am especially excited at having our new badass (and yes, young male) drummer. I love our new songs. I am thrilled at our apparent growing popularity (all things considered).
Someone representing my band (but not in it) had a long conversation with someone from a very exciting indie label. ( not the actual person who can say yay or nay, but someone related and in this process.. sorry so vague)
During this conversation, some realities hit home: A gentle warning that girls in this industry are, for all efforts, still seen as a gimmick and you must fight extremely hard against conditioning and the major label monsters to be seen as real musicians in THIS genre. A confirmation that we would be expected to immediately quit jobs and tour the world indie-style. A reminder that the punk world will expect us to 'pay our dues' by being on an indie for a few years before the maybe holy grail of a larger label(which is actually shunned). and finally, the one I wasn't expecting: A comment that our very name is holding us back. How seriously can you take a band with a name like that? and any major won't sign a band that can't be sold at Walmart.
There were lots of exciting and great parts to the conversation. Promising things that make my stomach twitch. The consideration of us to this label is no longer a press kit sent to be piled in a corner with all the other dusty ignored ones. See, I hear a thunderous rollercoaster clank clank in my head like I'm about to go down that awesome but scary first drop.
and then.. doubt sets in.
Will I be able to handle the reality of a 'thanks we'll pass"? Will my deep seated fears that we are too old come true? I feel insecurity creeping. I am analyzing lines on my face. Reviewing my weight. Going over our band name in my head. Fearing if we look too cartoonish in our pics. and then I stop dead and get REALLY PISSED that I'm thinking about these things. I get infuriated that I would rather spend my thoughts on new lyrics and a new tune. A new song and something creative. How dare I sit here feeling inadequate. The person who spoke was VERY open and positive and honest. But honesty can sometimes hurt. Honesty also doesn't equate fact. It's opinion. But its an educated and knowledgable and reliable opinion.
side note:there IS another indie label intersted too, but they aren't really a fit for us, but they are talking a big game. eh. we'll see on that one..
my mind remains in waiting=until=we=know circles |
|
|
| Beach Games |
[Aug. 5th, 2005|08:59 am] |
Beach Games
We drove down on Friday. Watched DVD's in "the Colonel" (nickname for Mikes badass King Ranch truck). LOVE KILL BILL movies. damn.
So we decided to add that music from Kill Bill when Beatrix goes to kill/gets pissed as a 16 second intro to us coming on stage. hell yeah.
we arrive, get treated to dinner (no reservations..so rockstar)..walk around the fake people in the warm air and feel a bit out of place. too thin, too tan, too blonde, and too fashionable for MY taste. man SF is so much better.
we sleep late, get up, arrive, get special parking but NO promised ride to stage area on a cool off road thingy. we trek in the sand with our geetars and such. the stage was huge. had a runway too. (we used it.. see pics on ihg's page).
backstage our food came late, the drinks were warm, and this host guy brought a gaggle of 16-19year old naked (okay mostly) girls in our same green room/hangout BACKSTAGE area. They eye our food, pull hot pink bikini's out of their emaciated assess and flip their hair incessantly. everything this one other host guy said was funny to them. Jess, Jen, Abby and i felt all evil like the girls from the movie 'The Craft" with our dark glasses, dark clothes, pierced and tattooed bodies and darkly smug expressions from the corner. My song Arm Candy was sure to be sung with extreme clarity ;)
the stage had a walk down runway.. I was so scared I would fall walking down the steps.
the set was great. the Kill Bill intro was fcking the BEST..(got everyones attention) the sound folks were awesome. Fusion TV ran up and did a hosted interview (host guy was funny). it should air on Fox Sports in a few weeks. yay!
we saw some events, we ooh'd and awe'd at the true badasses out there, and we had dinner and hung out after an afternoon of autographs and pics at our little merch booth.
it was a time ;) |
|
|
| Warped Tour part three - Sacramento |
[Jul. 16th, 2005|09:42 am] |
Warped Tour Sacramento
We drove up the night before. Stayed in an oven of a motel. Some hick who was driving REAL slow and staring at us unload our gear stopped short and replied to our RETURN looks with an exagerrated and angry 'whale what are YOOOOUUUU lookin ay-at?' and drove off blasting something that sounded like " America FUCK YEAH". lol
We leave early the next day to drive to the ampitheater. We arrive along with the rest of the Warped caravan of tour busses and 1800 r/v 4 rents etc. (they must have just made it from Ventura driving all night) Hardly any parking. fiasco again but we get set up and brace ourselves for the day. I am still amazed at the immense and dedicated crew that puts up the stages and tents.(and the sleeping truck drivers in their running air conditioned trucks.. what a site :a line of 10+ bright red trucks without their cargo thing .. just lined up and running all day. they drive all night and sleep all day. trip)
Good food at catering again. Great sets from the bands (I got to watch The Matches from right behind them ON STAGE during their set. woo hoo). I got to go on the 18 sleeper Interpunk bus. nice
We really pushed hard this time. our signs everywhere. cd listening station. handed out little download punk cards with our stage and set time. our merch girl Melissa rocked it in selling our stuff.
Our set was the best of the 3. Our crowd was the best of the 3. We got a really good response and that felt awesome.Folks got our autographs, signed the mailing list , bought a lot of shit and it was an allaround really good day.
and then...
we get stuck in the parking lot. nightmare of the entire backlot parking area filled with a zig zag of blocking cars had us (who wanted to go home) and a bunch of the other smaller bands (who needed to get going to Idaho warped) stuck for like 2 hours while we all manuvered to get out. JEEEZ.
it was like camp people. dusty, fun, backstage, eating with the bigger bands and having our own taste of things to come[hopefully]. watching smelly scratchy boys crawl out of steaming vans go bum food from a tatte'd punk who is cookign up a storm on his huge convertible grill/trailer hitch thing. seeing folks shower with water bottles in the backlot. seeing the buzzing production room throughout the day with important people talking about the details of the next stop or the fact that Billy Idol needs this or that. talking with Jerra from Sugar Hooker about leads for a new drummer .
it was hot but not like fresno(ugh). it had a lot of folks but not soldout/packed like (sf). it was finally an easy set.
it was as goldilocks would say: just right
next entry... Jess and I got to have a good talk with Billy Corigan last night. no REALLY. |
|
|
| Part Two- look like sh*t in hot weather |
[Jul. 12th, 2005|09:01 pm] |
Warped Tour Fresno
Sunday night Jess, our merch lady Gloria and Mike and I drive to Fresno. Long drive. I get a dumbass red hat at a Modesto gas station after swallowing a beef n cheddar from ARby's. Jess had never had Arby's before. WHAT.. anyway..
We get a motel across from the SaveMart center. It reminded me of the Cow Palace for those SF'rs who know what I mean. I see other band looking folks drive up and we unload into our rooms.. and
ATTEMPT TO SLEEP.. we were kept up all night by the folks next door who had a party and had loud obnoxious girls who didn't take to the security guard tellign them to shut up.
wake up. its hot. abby and her bfriend josh arrived safe and sound and were waking from their room.
flash forward: same bs of no one knowing where we can set up our tent and blah blah.
the bands all played in the parking lot area. the center itself was used for empty seating to go in and cool down. but no shows inside.
the day got hot. my make up got gross. I wear the deteriorating hat all day (not really matching. SO WHAT FCK YOU!! haha) we put up loud huge signs everywhere of when we go on. The Shocker AND the Randies ended up needing all or part of our drum kit for their sets. LOVE female fronted or mostly female bands. aww yeah.
our set was better. i was kinda melted and weirded out by having a wired mic. but it was okay. not the best of the 3 but way better than sf. Daisy Rock (via Sugar Hooker tent) had this autograph session for us. Abby got handcuffed by a cop who got a pic and our autograph. we signed a bunch of autographs, took pics with folks and the girls posed with their geetars..
we cooled off in the auditorium. emt's were brought in with fire hoses and wet the crowd it was so damn hot.
i ate corn dog for lunch. hot dog for snack. nachos for snack.. and then wondered why i broke out and looked like ass most of the day. hahhaa. i was a scary beast in my opinion.
hey. the stonecutters rocked. she sounded like gwen. we sold some stuff.. not as much as sF but like soooooo many folks added to our mailing list.
highlights: Jess runs into Patrick of Fallout boy. She has him hold up a sign that says 'your girlfriend was great' and cell phone pics it to her bfriend who is obsessed with Fallout boy (and not in Fresno). Patrick gets worried and demands another pic that says 'just kidding' right after. Jess runs into Bert from the Used and is a total dork again. hahaha. talking to him all fanlike and accidentally asking when they go on (um hellloooo..they aren't on warped) lol. I rocked out to MXPX's set and Thrice. yup yup. Offspring had a lot of hits! I forgot until I was listening to their set.. damn.. one after another.
Long dusty drive home..... since it was the fourth the only fireworks I got were from the freeway at night. |
|
|
| Three part series- Part One - Warped Tour SF "it begins" |
[Jul. 11th, 2005|08:25 am] |
This is one of three.
Warped Tour SF
Its our first Warped. We're nervous. The caravan of girls and guys and merch leave early in the am to beat our 10am deadline for check in.
SHIT! the police have the streets of sf closed. the band/crew parking lot is full. its 9:15 and jess and I chuck it running down the street to the backlot leaving bewildered friends and bfriends in running cars haha. man.. the place was packed with kids who looked better than bands.
guards won't let us in. catch 22 of needing to get to production office to get wristbands and needing wristbands to get to production office according to the annoyed man.
i find the chick who tells him to let ME in to find prod tent. i find tent to be told to go talk to someone at the stage. i find the stage to be told i was 'this close' to being cut and she just cut 3 bands for not showing up. its only 9:30am!
sound guy tells us we can't use our stacks. I ask him if i can use my wireless mic (later, this was a big mistake). he is tolerant of us.. barely
we get our time.. hella early. we go on at 12:20. yuck. we spend the next 45 min going from person to person asking where the hell we put our popup tent for our merch.
finally merch tent set up. nice spot. folks are interested but its early. when we go on its still early, awkward, not that full.. and damn.. the fcking sound was HORRRID.
I made people's ears bleed cuz my wireless picked up the signal of other amps. the feedback was cringing... we faked it through the first few songs but it was really hard to 'feeel' it. finally the set got better. last three songs were okay. no pit this time. how can there be? its daytime and not that full and the sound was bad. haha.(BUT.. special kudos thanks to you know who you are for hooking us up with stage love)
funny enough... we sold the most stuff at SF. we made a killing by the end of the day. I think it was good most folks didn't see us.. it was our worst of the 3 shows. it was also the biggest show with the most bands and most people attending from the 3 we did.(though the most people WATCHING US SPECIFICALLY was in Sacramento.. thats part three)
fun parts: access to backlots. seeing the men of Rancid arrive with family in tow. Standing in line in catering and having Bert from The Used behind us (and jess being SO LAME and stifling a freak out over it. ugh). Meeting Fab Disaster chicks. Meeting my homegirl in person finally {Lisa (love her) from the Shocker}. she fcking wails on bass. Watching My Chemical Romance from close up side stage area. Signing autographs, people wanting pics, meeting the awesome Interpunk boys.
next story? Warped Fresno- "makeup smears in 105 degree weather" |
|
|
| excited and scared |
[Jun. 30th, 2005|09:50 pm] |
excited:
Warped Tour and Beach Games
scared:
We just told the auditioning drummer chick today that it wasn't gonna work out. Damn. She was super cool and everything, but her style is different so our faster stuff wasn't really coming together that well. Plus we need a big commitment and she may be moving to LA now in the fall. We're all still gonna be friends.
Does ANYONE know a female drummer in the SF area? I fear we'll just have to give up being all girl and be mostly all girl.
damn. |
|
|
| weird days and warped days |
[Jun. 25th, 2005|09:38 am] |
We've decided on a private cremation for Sammy. Gross part is we had to get him from CCC animal services to bring him to our vet to do it. I had Mike go without me. It messed him up. Lets just say clear plastic bags that fcking LEAK suck.
Onto different news: Warped Tour is coming next week. Our first date is SF on July 2nd. Its stressful cuz its not like we're a huge band with a tour manager and roadies. We don't have anyone to do our merch in Fresno. SF and Sac we are all hooked up... and anyone who sleeps with anyone in the band is a roadie lol. (boyfriends rock).. but i guess we'll get stuck doing our own merch in Fresno? ah well.
figuring out cars and local motel and stuff is all stressful too. (though we decided on a motel right near the Save Mart arena or whatever the hell its called)
not to mention the gazillion emails from 'fans' asking for free tickets or backstage passes. we don't have either. hahaha. |
|
|
| My Sammy is gone |
[Jun. 18th, 2005|09:12 pm] |
I went to LA for the weekend. I left my dogs with my folks to watch them up in the Bay Area. I got a call this afternoon from my mom. My Sammy was found in their pool. He must have jumped on the pool cover, fell in and got stuck under the cover and drowned.
I am beyond devastated. He was around 7 months old. |
|
|
| Beach Games |
[Jun. 16th, 2005|10:43 pm] |
We got confirmation that we are going to be at this years Beach Games in L.A. Woo hooo! Can't post to our sites or say anything official till the paperwork is signed (plus they want our rider.. eeeeek.. should we peruse www.thesmokinggun.com and see riders of other bands hahahaha)
I'm still nervous about Warped tour, but there is like a bunch of different stages and we're only doing 3 dates. It seems less pressure somehow. With Beach Games its like, only a few bands and all on the same huge stage. approx four thousand people see the bands (60k go to the events over the days of the game). not sure if we're really ready for that but who cares. its a great step.
check out the stage from last year.
if you're in LA, come out even if you don't see us. Its going to be a badass weekend with tons of fun shyte to see. |
|
|
| can I get a what what? |
[Jun. 2nd, 2005|07:22 am] |
Oooh. im so happy.
Band practice fcking rocked last night. Our new drummer girl code named 'Beatrix' picked up 3 songs and made a whole new one with us from scratch in one night. We were so worried how the pace the transition would go, but after last night. there are NO worries. She is a very organic drummer and we love that. Less about counting and more about feeling where we are. She has a natural knack for feeling our groove. She is as young as we are, was in a few bands before (ones that opened for Sleater-Kinney etc), and is TOTALLY what our ad said we were looking for. Once she is totally comfortable we'll pick up the pace so that the tempo of our fast songs is more inline with our frantic live versions of our EP songs.
We've just gotten requests for info from a kinda well known indie label and are playing phone tag with someone 'supposedly' from a larger label. I NEVER get excited at that kind of thing. I've seen it before with others and will see more of it with us. Things are not 'on their way' unless they are really on their way. Things aren't happening around the corner. Things have to be happening for sure for me to consider giving it any kind of excitement.
yes.. I am a realist. pessimism? no. just logical about the horrid reality of the business. then why bring it up you ask? because its an update and folks always ask if we are getting any kind of attention. i'm reporting current status of possible inquiry, with no assumptions to their meaning.
ANYWAY
I went to Avenue of the Giants in upper Northern California this weekend. LOVE the redwood forest and ancient redwood trees. Too bad vacations are so short.
ps. Eureka really IS a small town. lol |
|
|
| pasta and a geetar |
[May. 6th, 2005|05:30 pm] |
I wanted to cook. Jess came over so we can work on a new new song that I'm gonna call Loser Boy.
the lines I'm writing (with her help this time) are kind of wicked actually. This new album we're making should be called Bullet Words.
SO. The meal was good according to Jess and Mike but I felt like Olive Garden gave me the finger on their make at home recipe of Tuscan Garlic Chicken. I got dehydrated from all the Coppola wine lol.
I actualy fumbled on my other acoustic whilst Jess pounded out the base of the song on my beauteous black Ovation. love that thing. I should really learn to play it better.. what a dumb ass am i.
Going off to my aunts summer home in Sonoma for Mothers Day. I want to be able to say that one day (say this in a snotty bad english accent with a lot of pomp): "Sorry, but I won't be around this weekEND because we'll be at the summer home".
I'm in the mood to listen to Im not an addict by K's Choice. damn i love her voice
 |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Apr. 30th, 2005|08:25 pm] |
we finally posted the new song we recorded. free download and stuff. if you wanna hear it (the end of it is my fave part)checkout
http://www.myspace.com/inspecthergadget
it will annoyingly play the second you hit the page. sorry.
lyrics:
I wanna be
I thought that time was mad at me for waiting much too long.
Time! Forgive me yeah
I didn’t mean to compromise the gift of windows open wide that you did grant so secretly behind me
Chorus:
I wanna be stronger now
I wanna be meaner now
I wanna surround myself with the outlets to express my volatile sound
I wanna be me
I wanna be free
You better step the fuck back and brace yourself for this female verbal attack
I wanna have a say
I wanna have a choice
I rip it from my straining neck to amplify my simple voice
Where have the strong girls gone?
Where’s determination?
We’re stuck with puppet dolls that dominate the radio stations
We’ve got to fight this challenge of plastic life imbalance
Who pays the awful price of manufactured female talent?
WE WROTE THESE WORDS
WE WROTE THESE SONGS
WHO MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE?
YOU DO. YOU DO
(chorus) |
|
|
| pa rumpa bum bum |
[Apr. 25th, 2005|03:04 pm] |
We're having someone come to practice tonight. She sounds awesome so far. I've been SO NERVOUS ABOUT THE DRUMMER SEARCH. ugh
Hopefully she or someone works out sooooooon.(im so impatient and dont like the unknown)
****************************
TO BE OR NOT huh?
Work is getting really busy. I work for um... "HAL" and I'm doing well and can make a lot of money. Or the band thing can take off and I can have a lot of fun and be poor for either a long while or forever. Each month is like a new adventure. I'm always wondering what is going to happen. At what point will I have to make that fateful choice. Mike said "Well, if you quit work to go be in a band, would work be there if it didn't work out? Can you reverse it? Can you say 'I can always quit the band now, and then try again in a few years if the work thing didn't work out'"NOT.. of course not. If push came to shove, the band wins.
I just hope if push came to shove, I don't shove myself off a big cliff of regret.
 |
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
| |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
anagadget's journal
